Peter welcomed everyone to the Business Meeting, on a colder night, and then launched into his first of two shaggy dog stories........
"I have a couple of jokes to do with different nationalities tonight, and they will start and end the meeting.  The first joke is about Australian empathy and sensitivity; and I just want to say that I am actually an enormous fan of Australia, but here we go . . .
There were three Aussie blokes working up a mobile phone tower in the outback, and their names were Mongrel, Coot and Bluey.   As they start their descent, Coot slipped and fell off the tower and was killed instantly.
As the ambulance took the body away, Bluey says, “Well, bugger me, someone's gotta go and tell Coot's wife”
Mongrel steps up, “OK, I'm pretty good at the sensitive stuff, so I'll do it.”
Two hours later, he comes back and surprisingly he is carrying a case of beer.   Bluey asks, “Where'd you get the grog, Mongrel?”   “Coot's wife gave it to me,” Mongrel replies.   “That's unbelievable.  You told the missus her husband was dead and she gave you a case of beer?!”
“Well, not exactly,” says Mongrel.  “When she answered the door, I said to her, ‘you must be Coot's widow.’  Then she said to me, 'You must be mistaken.  I'm not a widow.'”
“What else could a bloke say, so I said to her 'I'll betcha a case of beer you are'”
Honorary Life Member
John Barnard was presented with his Honorary Life Membership by President Peter at a morning Tea at Raft on 16 May with a small group of members
Well done John - thanks for your long and loyal service.
Entertainment Books - Ian Cochran still has a stock of the books.    See Ian now to obtain your copies.
Resignations - President Peter announced the resignations of Gordon Mock, and Donald Hegan.   Gordon's resignation is effective immediately, and Donald's takes effect at the end of June.   The members' service was acknowledged by members by acclamation.
There were no nominees for Foundation Ted, or Local Ted who lay forlornly on the lectern.
Don had been on call for the last week, and was enjoying a relaxing imbibe.   His fundraising this week revolved around "The Life of Donny - The last 22 Hours"
  •   When a family calls at 9pm on a Sunday night what do you think Donny the Funeral Director is hoping?
  1. That the family are organised.       
  2. Ask that their father can be transferred ASAP.
  3. Family suggests their father can stay in his room at rest-home until 9am Monday.
              C correct 
  • When a family calls at 2.15am on Monday morning, what do you think Donny the Funeral Director is hoping?
  1. Family suggests their father can stay in the hospital mortuary until 8am Monday.
  2. Ask that their father can be transferred ASAP.
  3. That the family are organised.
               B correct in this case 
  • When same family are informed that we need to wait for Dr to see their father and sign-off paper work, their reply is?
  1. That’s fine we’ll wait.
  2. Oh I see, we’ll head home.
              A correct 
  • Same family!   When nurse rings at 4am and informs Donny that papers are ready, what would you expect Donny to find when he arrives at ICU.
  1. Family are organised and ready to answer a few questions.
  2. Family have scarpered.
              B correct 
  • Completely different setting.    Imagine a small family service at family home, Ocean Beach Rd, Mount  at 3 p.m. Monday.    When motorists see a piper leading a Black vehicle with hazard lights blinking, out of a driveway at 4pm playing “ Amazing Grace”, what do you think motorists would do?
  1. Slow down and come to a stop, giving way to said Black vehicle.
  2. Speed up and try and hit said Black vehicle
  3. Keep on driving, completely oblivious to their surrounds
              C correct 
The following issues were discussed at the final Business
Meeting of the year.   Fuller details will be provided to members in the Meeting Minutes.
Finance - John Knowles reported that the Club Administration account currently held a sum exceeding $11000.   The forecast for end of year is that this sum will be reduced due to refunds due to members for non-attendance, and some costs of the next two meetings' dinners for the fifty year celebration and changeover.   The bulk of the residual balance will be transferred to the Charitable Trust for use on projects next year.
Charitable Trust - Keith McLeod reported that the Trust currently had funds of about $19000.   The Trust was waiting for authority from the Board to finalise the payments to the Foundation - noting that a significant contribution to the Foundation had already been made by the Hayman bequest.    There was still $6500 to pay on the Nuisawa School project, and once that is paid, the club will receive the payment of $3000 from the District Grant.    Taking these issues into account approximately $6500 of the Trust funds was already committed.
Beatgirls Project - Carmen Goodwin was unable to attend this meeting.   At the changeover meeting she will be asked to make a presentation.
50th Anniversary Dinner - Rae James confirmed that the guest speaker will be Marty Grenfell, CEO Tauranga City Council.    Past members are being invited, and one of the founding members, Ron Hislop, may attend.   Possibly expect a cake!   Rae will give a brief review of club history.  An invite will be placed in the Weekend Sun as below .....
Members to note....
  • You must advise the Attendance Officer if you, and/or your partner are attending.   There will be no assumption that you are attending.
  • Please advise Ian Cochran early - do it now!     The cut off for the dinner will be noon Friday 7 June.
  • Please wear a tie or jacket - this is a significant event for the club.
  • Note the meal cost is $30 per person.    For those making automatic payments, you will need a $9 top up for yourself, plus $30 for your partner.
2019-2020 Rotary Year - President-elect Bevan Rakoia advised that the Club Handbook has been updated and will set out his expectations for the year.   
John Knowles and Nola Ardern will again be Treasurer and Secretary respectively.   The following Directors have been appointed - Youth & Services Projects, Brian Hodge - Public Image, Carmen Goodwin - Rotary Foundation and International, Rae James.   There are still vacancies for President Nominee, and Membership.   Vacancies also exist for Bulletin Editor, and Attendance Officer.   These vacancies need to be sorted out now!   President Peter urged members to meet with Bevan and discuss how they can assist.
Bi-Monthly Meetings - President Peter advised that he is preparing a questionnaire on bi-monthly meetings so that they can be reviewed.   This will be available at changeover.
Membership - Bruce Farthing presented a written report on membership to members pointing out that membership is the responsibility of all members.   The environment for recruiting members has become more difficult, and the club has to be ready to meet the expectations of new members.      Bruce outlined where the respective Tauranga clubs fitted into the environment, and proposed a way forward for the incoming president to consider.
Service Projects - Brian Hodge reported on the Nuisawa High School project.   The Home Economics Room has been cleared and painted.   As shown in the photographs, the floor has been lifted, and cabinets removed, and new flooring is being laid.   Work benches have been ordered and are being made.    Originally the benches were to be all stainless steel, but due to cost these have been changed to a galvanised frame, with a wooden top covered with a stainless steel layer.   These are expected to be finished and installed by the end of the month.   So far we have provided $7000 to the project, and we are awaiting invoices before paying the balance.     
Foundation/International - Rae James said that in a cunning move, they had passed off the Nuisawa Project to Brian's committee.   The club will meet its Foundation target of $100 per member.   Members are still not using the token system for paying contributions.   The quiz night was successful, and the petanque would have been successful if not abandoned due to weather.
10 June - 50th Jubilee Celebration - Guest Speaker, Marty Grenfell, CEO Tauranga City Council  - See details above - Remember that the cut off for indicating your attendance at this function will be 12 Noon Friday 7 June - and you must indicate if you care coming.
24 June - Club Changeover, partners invited.   Please note that the cut off for indicating your attendance will be 12 noon Friday 21 June.
"And now for the second bit of humour that is unfairly associated with nationalities.  Morton, brace yourself.......
An Englishman says to his friend, who is a Scotsman, that he has a perfect way of eating for free in restaurants.
"I go in at well past 9 o’clock in the evening, eat several courses slowly, and linger over coffee, port and a cigar.
Come 2 a.m., as they are clearing everything away, I just keep sitting there until eventually a waiter comes up and asks me to pay.
At that point I say: 'I've already paid your colleague who has left.'"   The Scotsman is impressed, and he quickly says: "Let's try it together this evening!"   The Scotsman books them into a restaurant.  It comes 2 o’clock
they are both still quietly sitting there after a very full meal.    
Sure enough, a waiter comes over and asks them to pay.
As usual the Englishman says: "I've already paid your colleague who has left."
But then the Scotsman adds: "And we are still waiting for the change!"
  THE SAGE - Donald Hegan
Believe in yourself!   Have faith in your abilities!
Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers
you cannot be successful or happy.
                          [Norman Vincent Peale]
President               Peter Stanley           570 1952       Mobile 021 0247 5576
President-elect     Bevan Rakoia           578 9511           Mobile 027 461 2127
Secretary               Nola Ardern             576 2410  Mobile 021 752 335
Treasurer              John Knowles          548 2324          Mobile 027 499 9456
Apologies &
Attendance            Ian Cochran             579 3836          Mobile 021 449 599
Bulletin Editor       Peter Smith              548 1680                Mobile 027 655 0397
Meetings each second and fourth Monday of the month – 5.45 p.m. for 6.30 p.m. at Tauranga Yacht and Power Boat Club, Sulphur Point, Tauranga.  There will be no meeting on public holidays, and these dates will have been rescheduled in the same month.   Please contact a club officer to confirm such dates.
ATTENDANCE – Members please email apologies to Ian Cochran,  The close off time for apologies is 12 Noon Friday, with late apologies by 12 Noon Monday.
Guests wishing to attend the club meeting please call 579 3836 or email Ian with your interest.